Im Barely Breathing, Afraid Not to Believe It 

Im finding myself cornered by one of the most last expectable things; my very own feelings. How to play this one thru? Im not sure, but I will just have to find my way as usual. 

We all have those moments when we feel that we are failing, fading, emotionally dieing perhaps being too strong in sadness from time to time. But thats when we change, towards the better, that lets us know we're still here, still  kicking and screaming, making our way thru life. If we just run a little faster, just try a little harder, laugh more and love even more, perhaps we can pull ourselves thru, Anything. 

My shoulders bear a heavy weight upon themselves, as much as it pains me to say it out loud, I can't move forwards yet from things that happened the past 2 years of my life. Way too much has weighted upon the dark side, pulling down every single moment of light in my life temporarely.  Tonights such a night, when the barrier falls down and the tears pour down my cheeks for a while.. it feels good to let go, to let the sadness feel its way thru me. It is a part of me, and my way to acceptance of how things have turned out. 

Just breathe, close them eyes. Relax. 

I have absolutely every reason to smile, even while crying. This year has started out absolutely amazing, and better on, I have this one feeling, that this year will and can be a huge "turn around" what comes to everything in my life. My relationships, career, free time, feelings.. well, all of it ! I refuse to say goodbye to everything that has been, but I do base my decissions upon those moments long gone, it will guide me thru life one way or another. If I just keep pushing myself towards a new morning, the hope lives on and so do I. I have to, theres no other way around it. Lets just face it, even if my family is pained, torn apart and very silent between, its my family. And I love every single one of them within it. 

Who would care for my brothers more than I do, after all ? Mom far away in Finland, my father busy with his life and new family.. Me down south here, surviving one day after another, giving all of me for my little brother, whom I love so dearly. Who needs guidance, support, without words most of the time, I know he appreciates feeling at "home" in my home, being part of a family. Even if its poor times, money is tied down tight and lifes hard, we can smile once in a while. We all got our fights between one another, but in the end we would go thru fire for each other. 

I just want to make people happy, I need to see them smile. At least once!

Just to know I can give someone a smile, or a look-back- at-that-moment- feeling, which leads to a good feeling within, makes me glad. Empathy, why does not as many share that ? I could not stand by and watch  bad things being done to people, especially unjustice ! Everyone deserves a chanse in life, sometimes more than one. But that wont happen unless there is people in this world, ready to give these chanses to others around us! Goodness isnt that hard to find within ourselves, if we just realize how precious life can be, to another person. A kind word, a hug, a touch? just a gentle look upon ! Never forget, theres no Excuse for treating people around you in a bad manner. NEVER. 

Laugh a little more, love a  little harder - 

Peace out

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